An Open Letter To Barney Frank

Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them; and no man ever had a distinct idea of the trinity. It is the mere Abracadabra of the mountebanks calling themselves the priests of Jesus.

Thomas Jefferson

Dear Barney Frank,

I heard your interview today on Sirius OutQ's liberal political talk show. You disagreed with the gay movement's protests of the LDS church. I could not disagree more with your position, which takes pragmatism to the level of inefficacy.

Protests do not fall on deaf ears; when done correctly, they bring attention to hypocrisy, injustice, and irrationality. And that's what the gays are doing. I dare say that you would not oppose such protests 35 years ago, when the Mormons were openly racist. The only difference is back then California didn't pass a proposition that would institutionalize the Mormons' definition of a religious leader, thereby preventing non-whites from being recognized as priests, reverends, etc. But they now have succeeded in making their religion's (current) definition of marriage into that of the government of California, an imposition of religious opinion that will in 35 years seem just as absurd and irrational as my hypothetical one.

When we're done with the Mormons, we'll turn our fabulous wrath to the Followers of Cathol, whose hypocrisy concerning gay issues and marriage (and just about every other modern ethical stance) is equally foie-gras rich. I celebrate the gays' channeling of their outrage by protesting these theocratic "mountebanks," metaphorically sticking their $400 Pradas up the superstitious twats' asses. My only criticism is that it is far too little, far too late, and a terrible thing to do to Italian leather.

Just be thankful I'm not organizing these protests: my ire towards these religions eclipses anything said or done to date. Do not these institutions also promote the abhorrent positions that latex is worse than HIV, that a woman's birth canal is subject to religious divinations concerning pregnancy, and that patriarchy should trump gender equality?

So please be quiet as we gays do what we always have done best: make trouble. We lost the battle on Prop 8 because no one wanted to be the pudding stick, and now is the time to take this all as seriously as we should personally. Our opponents thought nothing of our feelings or sentiments, let alone our lives and our ability to lead them as we see fit. They never once considered other religious views concerning the gays and marriage, and they dismissed our unanswered arguments while distorting our positions. Therefore, ridiculing their CHOICE of mysticism and their unreasonable insistence on making it California's de facto source of law fails to twiddle even a single sympathetic or empathetic neuron in my body. No belief is too sacred to be protested, mocked, scorned, or (the horrors) debunked intellectually.

I'm sure in Massachusetts, and in Washington DC, how far we have come and possible near-term gains hold primacy. And they may even provide us all with a measure of comfort and help ground us in our losses. But from the point of view of a gay atheist in north Alabama, no peaceful expression of outrage at the disgusting lies, celebrated ignorance, and faith-justified bigotry of religious fundamentalists is too much. That you can't relate to this position perhaps indicates the over-extension of your career in politics.

You should spend more time arguing our case to your peers in Washington (your history shows how woefully inadequate and exceedingly poor you are to that end), and less time criticizing us for taking our case to the opponents of reason and equality across America.

In short, shut your upper boy hole and go do something or someone productive.