Mein Führer, I Can Talk!

Newt Gingrich, in what I can only assume is a move to re-emerge as the supreme commander of God's party, stated on Bill O'Reilly's show that we are gay and secular fascists. The whole interview is so dreadful as to seem like a parody, but the combination of losing the last election and the ever-present "Christian persecution complex" has wiped clean the reason and irony drives of the Republican machine.

Bill O'Reilly's complaining about boycotts and firings nearly gave me the vapors, but it was Kermit the Newt who took the taco:

Look, I think there is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us, is prepared to use violence, to use harassment.

First of all, no one wants to make Newt get gay married, or even approve of it. That's just part of his own crypto-fascist fantasy and persecution complex. Other than doing those two things, I find it hard to fathom what "impose" might reasonably mean.

As far as violence, almost all of the anti-Prop 8 protests have been completely peaceful. However, as recently as early this month, a Syracuse man was shot for being gay. And stomping on some poor lady's styrofoam cross, while reprehensible, doesn't seem to me as violent as good Christian folk historically have been to the gays. It's hilarious that Newt can maintain a straight, pudgy face whilst insisting that a few angry gays who have physically hurt no one represent a movement's willingness "to use violence."

As far as harassment, I have two words: Terry Schiavo. The history of Christianity, even in the US, is saturated with dogmatic, childish bullying.

Make sure you're sitting for this next bit:

And, frank -- for that matter, if you believe in the historic version of Islam or the historic version of Judaism, you have to confront the reality that these secular extremists are determined to impose on you acceptance of a series of values that are antithetical, they're the opposite, of what you're taught in Sunday school.

For now on, Newt has to sit in a wheelchair and speak with a German accent. It's the only way I will ever be able to take him seriously.