A apology, of sorts.

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

I love the Onion.

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

The Bible's War On Christmas

The full verses are here.

So This Is Christmas...

Uganda and Rwanda both have measures pending that will persecute the gays, mostly by life imprisonment or death. The gays, after all, are responsible for the HIV plague that is ravaging their countries.

American evangelicals are responsible for this potential genocide. For years, they have been touting the anti-science Christian fiction that abstinence-only education works, and that it's the homos who are spreading the "evil." Now, as they try to back away from the genocide they secretly wished for but can't publicly admit to, they clumsily refuse to take accountability for their superstitious proselytizing and homophobic rants.

Could it be because being holy and "intimate with god" means never being wrong?

I would like to note that, in all the conferences to combat HIV that were held by Christian groups, American right-wing politicians, and superstitious African leaders, the following weren't present or considered necessary:

• epidemiologists
• virologists
• sociologists

Not a one.

Evil is real; imagined demons and devils pale in comparison to the live ones.

Pat Robertson Believes In Silver Shamrock

On Pat's website, a very disturbed woman wrote about Halloween:

"[M]ost of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches,” Daniels wrote. “I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference."

So to Pat and his flock, the following is real:

Beware the magic pumpkin!

Lucy Answers An Age-Old Question About The Difference Between Astrology And Astronomy

Mr. Deity and the Really Unique Gift

Book Review: The Incredible Shrinking Son Of Man

The Incredible Shrinking Son of Man: How Reliable is the Gospel Tradition? by Robert M. Price

What happens when one puts forth a rational, objective method of researching historicity and applies it to the canonical gospels of the bible? Dr. Robert M. Price, aka The Bible Geek, comes to a very unpopular conclusion: there is no evidence to support that a historical Jesus ever existed.

TISSOM begins by outlining the rationale for Dr. Price's methodology, and then goes event by event through the gospels, comparing the accounts given by the four gospel writers. To each event, he details the contradictions and similarities, outlines the history of the event's likely origin(s), and proposes the probable motive(s) and rationale(s) of each gospel writer when formulating his particular account.

While seemingly an average-length book, TISSOM took me quite a while to get through. It's enthralling and enlightening, which also makes it a book to slowly digest and contemplate rather than quickly consume. And though the subject matter can be ponderous, Dr. Price's style is rather light-hearted. His genuine interest in and voluminous knowledge of the New Testament, combined with his biting humor, keeps the reader both challenged and entertained. I highly recommend it, especially to those interested in ancient religions or the origins of modern Christian superstitions. Or zombies...

I've already purchased his answer to the bombastic-yet-delicate whiny Christian apologists: Jesus Is Dead. I'll let you know how it goes. But I think I've found my new favorite hobby de jour of the day: critical biblical study.

Two side notes:

1. Dr. Price has a podcast, TheBibleGeek.org, available free at iTunes. It is easily my favorite and most anticipated podcast.
2. Dr. Price is also a Lovecraft scholar. And while I can go along with his whole "Jesus never existed" thing, his insistence that Cthulhu is fiction is simply absurd...
   

Just Another Trial From The Devil, Or Jesus, Or Something, But It's All Part Of God's Plan

Slack-jawed, born-again, evolution-denying Stephen Baldwin is filing for bankruptcy.

Schadenfreude!

Happy Easter

Kettle, Line 2. It's A Pot. It Says You're Black.

Plug your irony meter into a surge protector; otherwise this article about loser Kurt Warner will blow the needle off.

"A lot of people believe 13 is an unlucky number," Warner said, "but I've kind of embraced it."

He added: "A lot of negative things come with the No. 13. My life is never dictated by superstitions. My faith is first and foremost. If you believe that God's in control, there is no reason to believe in superstitions."

Credulity, benightedness, and obliviousness all in the same package. How convenient.

Bill Maher Says McCain And Obama Are Lying!

About their faith. It's brilliant, and we all know it's true.

Pope Panzer Kraut The First Just Blew Out My Irony Meter

Pope condemns 'pagan' love of money, power

But since this is coming from the boche head of a theocratic city-state AND of a financially unaccountable religious racket that rakes in millions upon millions of tax-free dollars every year, I guess 'Christian' love of power and money is virtuous.

"I 'Jesus-love' power and money tthhiiss much!"

I'm Neither Shocked Nor Surprised

The Family Research Council, the fundamentalist Christian (white, heterosexual, patriarchal) organization founded by that odious superstitious twat James Dobson, held a summit recently. On sale were boxes of Obama Waffles.

On first glance, the cover is just silly. Why anyone would want to buy such nonsense (directed against either party) is beyond me. It shows a kind of childish, emotionally retarded mentality. But then again, these people believe in imaginary super-beings, so...


But take a look at the top of the box.


Let's give it up for those precious lambs of god! They sure do know how to live down to our expectations of them.

I [Heart] "Good Christian Folk"

Whenever you start to feel down, you can always count on ignorant, bigoted zombie worshipers to lift up your spirits and make you think, "Hey, at least I'm not a dum-dum!" So cheer yourself up by reading Wonkette's great listing of anti-homo posts on a boycott McDonald's site. It's precious.

YOU DID NOT BILD YOUR COMPANY ON HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE! IT WAS BUILD ON FAMILY VALUES! MAN,WIFE.CHILDREN!MOSTLTY CHILDREN! THEY DON’T COME FROM HOMO PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think somebody's got a Grimace in their Hamburglar...

Religulous

A preview for Bill Maher's film Religulous is out.

Don't Say "Gay," Say "Homosexual""

I'm not sure why, but apparently evangelicals are literally anti-"gay": they don't even like the word. Instead, they prefer "homosexual." I don't really get it; but, then again, I don't really get how grown-ups can think that killing a Jew can expiate others' sins.

Christian news sources are notoriously shady, poorly run, intellectually bankrupt, and dishonest. Add hilariously incompetent:

Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials...

That would be Tyson Gay, whose name was sanitized from an AP article when redistributed by an American Family Association's news site.

I've said it many times: these people are precious.

Evangelicals Don't Just Get Science Wrong

I recently read this critique of David Barton's pro-Christian authoritarianism book on American history. It's Baptists ridiculing his lack of scholarship and honesty, which is rich as foie gras.

This asshole regularly appears on TBN, and every time he does I laugh my ass off AND become vociferously angry. Apparently, his god condones shameless lying. What an awesome god!

In any case, it's a great scholarly chastisement from theologic historians who have every supernatural excuse available to support his made-up Christian dominionist history, then don't because of pesky facts.

Thanks to Ed Brayton for pointing it out.

"Historical Documents"

Just as creationists have started a "teach the controversy" approach for injecting mythology into science classrooms, right-wing Christians have decided to use a "historical document" approach to get incantations and sectarian proscriptions back into public schools. South Carolina has decided to try the first transparent bait-and-switch.

Are the 10 commandments and Jesus' schizophrenic prayer to his father/himself historical documents, to be put alongside the Declaration of Independence and the Magna Carta? No, and any judge will see right through this nonsense. Neither directly or indirectly affected any of our governing documents (as is obvious by the lack of even part of either in the language of our constitution), nor are they contemporary to any American event (as in the case of MLK's speech).

What's sad is that a majority who voted for this know it's wrong and why, but they're just too incompetent and cowardly to stand up and make the case against it.

Of course, any judge who strikes this down will be an activist, like Hugo Black was.

Top Six Traditional Marriages That Make Jesus Smile

The bible clearly lays out that marriage is between a man and a woman who share at least one parent.

Mayor DumDum Update!

The SEC has just charged Mayor DumDum in connection with a municipal bond scheme! What power prayer has! Oh, it hurts to laugh now! Jesus, these people are a whoot!