If The Pope Doesn't Use His Holy Powers To Stop You From Watching It On Showtime On Demand

Check out Penn & Teller's "Bullshit" on the Vatican.

Blaspheme. Blaspheyou. Blaspheeverybody!

Movie Review: Splinter

Get down with the sickness

What would be a schlocky rip-off of John Carpenter's The Thing is saved by two things:

1. great monster effects
2. hands-down the most disturbing, have-to-go-have-a-cigarette-now amputation scene EVER! (it involves a dull box cutter and a cinder block)
   

I squirmed and felt ill. The monster scared me a bit. Way to go, dumb, derivative, low-budget horror movie!

Movie Review: Surveillance

Reality becomes transparent

Sick, twisted, and wacky is just the appetizer. The rest has to be seen to be believed.

The only thing I can say about the movie without giving anything away is this: Jennifer Lynch, daughter of David, plays our knowledge of his films against us.

And even that is saying too much...Brilliant psycho horror!

Adulterer Or Homo?

That seems to be the choice for South Carolina now that Michael Rogers at BlogActive has outed the Lt. Governor of South Carolina.

And one of the Governor's appointees to the SC Board of Education, an evangelical who home schooled her four kids, writes "hardcore erotic fiction."

These Republicans and their sexual hang-ups...

Which Letter Is Missing, Glenn?

In another chapter of "Republicans Turning Into The Parodies Of Themselves:"

I Just Threw Up Into My Brain

From my new favorite website, This is why you're fat, a horror of Lovecraftian machinations:

Krispy Kreme Jelly Donut Chicken Sandwich

A fried chicken breast in a jelly filled Krispy Kreme donut with cheese and honey.

One Of These Is Not Like The Other Ones

Take a look at the list of "The Most Religious" Colleges in the US. One can't help but notice that 2 Alabama "institutions of higher learning"--Samford and our arch-rival Auburn--make the list. I wish those were the most disturbing entries, but they are not. Take a look at #14:

United States Air Force Academy

I could go into a huge tirade here, but I'll leave it to this: who planned the disastrous Iraq invasion? The one where we bombed the infrastructure of a civilian population that was supposed to welcome our occupation (and proselytizing) with flowers and candy as they died in the dark of dysentery and chaos? Here's a hint: they believe in Super Jesus, American Christian primacy, and the John-the-Revelator apocalypse somewhere between a backwards Birmingham Southern Baptist fundamentalist bible college and an east-of-nowhere shitstain public university called Auburn.

The Air Force Academy is in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Guess who else is located there: Focus on the Family, the disgusting anti-Enlightenment group of stupefied bigots headed by the odious James Dobson.

The Air Force is in charge of most of our nuclear arsenal. Sleep well...

The Russians Buy French

Russia--realizing that their navy is crumbling and that their ship-building infrastructure is all but in ruin--is buying a French Mistral-class amphibious assault carrier.

If you're not going to buy from us, buying from Le France is getting the next best thing when it comes to warships. Le France has a nuclear carrier and several potent surface combatants and submarines, all well-armed and formidable. But how pitiful does this make Russia look?

Turns out, not as pitiful as having an American destroyer show up unchallenged in their back yard during a major diplomatic crisis.

I do wonder if this is in part a reaction to the conflict in Georgia. I disagree with CNO Gary Roughead in regards to some of his shipbuilding decisions, but last summer when he ordered USS McFaul (DDG 74) into the port of Batum, Georgia he pulled a modern day 'Commodore Perry Goes to Tokyo' with that gunboat diplomacy, and it had to set off alarms in Moscow. Some may not have appreciated what he did, but I thought it was a brilliant exercise in naval diplomacy. Traditionally, naval diplomacy has been a critical element in sustaining peaceful relations in times of tension, and in hindsight I think sending USS McFaul (DDG 74) had exactly that effect. Teddy Roosevelt would have been impressed.

Commodore Perry goes to Tokyo indeed...That is exactly what this decision is about.

Le France's Mistral-class amphibious assault carrier, similar to an American Wasp-class warship

I'll Keep Gettin' Ma Fix On

NBC will be picking up my favorite show, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, for another season. And for good reason: the season finale was the fifth highest rated cable program, and the reruns are guaranteed money-makers. More importantly, when a new NBC show fails, L&O:CI consistently fills the gap and provides solid prime-time network ratings. No word yet on whether Pooh Bear will return, but Jeff Goldblum almost certainly will.

At this point, as long as Kathryn Erbe is still on as our favorite alpha-cunt Eames, I'm all in.

"You know I run the show, right?"

Revenge Fantasy Thriller

The trailer for Peter Jackson's next film: The Lovely Bones.

Set Your DVRs To Weltschmerz

...and stock up on your Imodium: Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus, which I previously mentioned here, will be on the SyFylis channel Saturday night.



You know I have to watch it, and that I truly hate myself for it.

The inside crew "helping" Tobermory.

More Regrettable Food

This Is Why You're Fat

These kids today

A former student sent this to me - I like it. I try to take these things into account and still get our work done.

Strangely Compelling

Modest Mouse - Missed the Boat

Modest Mouse - New Music - More Music Videos

Real Science Fiction

District 9 is so much better than I expected. Actual science fiction that considers a wide range of issues and is fun, and unsettling, to watch.

Lucy Answers An Age-Old Question About The Difference Between Astrology And Astronomy

Mr. Deity and the Really Unique Gift

Terry Gilliam Returns To Bat-Shit Crazy Fantasy

Tom Waits is the devil.

"You're Terribly Late, You Know. Naughty!"

The trailer for Tim Burton's glorious Alice in Wonderland is available here.

Carl Sagan was right ...

... we are "star stuff".

Building block of life found on comet

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The amino acid glycine, a fundamental building block of proteins, has been found in a comet for the first time, bolstering the theory that raw ingredients of life arrived on Earth from outer space, scientists said on Monday.

Microscopic traces of glycine were discovered in a sample of particles retrieved from the tail of comet Wild 2 by the NASA spacecraft Stardust deep in the solar system some 242 million miles (390 million km) from Earth, in January 2004.

Samples of gas and dust collected on a small dish lined with a super-fluffy material called aerogel were returned to Earth two years later in a canister that detached from the spacecraft and landed by parachute in the Utah desert.

Movie Review: District 9

We're here to help you.

The BEST science fiction film of the decade, and easily one of the best ever made. Buzz at Camp Blood sums it up brilliantly.

For My Cultists

The 35 Best iPhone Apps Of The Year
(So Far) - after a weekend of iPhone overload, I saw this as the coup de grace.

"You Are Gay" Is Not Horrible

A great ruling in a civil suit: being accused of homosexuality is not a bad thing.

To all of my straight friends: when someone calls you gay as an insult, shrug it off. For the love of the risen Osiris, don't get mad about it. And don't get all worked up for my sake if someone uses "gay" to describe something that is lame and fruity. I think we can all agree that "gay" has many meanings, and that someone who says that "Dancing with the Stars" is "gay" doesn't imply that being a homosexual is evil.

That horrible show is gay. Times a billion. And I never watch it. Because it's gay.

All that aside, using "gay" as an insult implying that LGBT people are somehow horrible people should be discouraged and confronted. That's when you say "Hell, I wish I were gay. That way, I could just blow you through the glory holes you visit and not have to see your ugly face, like now."

To summarize: don't be gay about being called gay because that makes you gay in a gay way.

Grand Duchy Does The Cure

A Strange Day



By the way: Just Like Heaven is a great tribute album worth buying.

Booze Custard Challenge Accepted

Today, on the Frank DeCaro show, the fat fuck described a frozen custard he got at an upscale Manhattan milkshake shop. Prepare yourself:

A Dark-and-Stormy custard, with pieces of roasted cinnamon peaches mixed in.

OH...MY...AHURA MAZDA!!!

I will make this. I will. With an appropriate change. I don't copy: I improve with panache, bitches.

A Dark and Stormy is one of my favorite cocktails. You start with good, flavorful dark rum (remember: lackluster rum leads to lackluster Dark and Stormies). You add ginger beer (ginger ale? Oh, heavens no, you can't use ginger ale). The result will make you write your congressman, slap your momma, and inappropriately expose yourself.

So I will make a ginger-dark rum custard. And I will add roasted peaches. As far as the cinnamon...I love cinnamon. I do. I have several different kinds in my pantry, as sticks and/or powder, each with a distinctive flavor and purpose. But here, I just don't think cinnamon is appropriate.

I'll have cardamom roasted peaches. And it will be fucking fag-tastic. And you'll wish you were my friend and lived near me and said I was pretty and never criticized my obsession with food and cake pans and the true art of brewing coffee and agreed with me on how vegetarians are the minions of Rosemary's baby and how tragically pretty and funny I am and how I'm right that the zombie apocalypse has come in the form of Sarah Palin and her retard baby who would never get no health care even when the abomination's mother gets government health care that sets up "death panels" that would make socialist Nazi zombies eat all of the population of Alaska that can see Russia...

Say it! Or by the resurrected Baal I'll eat the pint-and-a-half myself.

Book Review: The Incredible Shrinking Son Of Man

The Incredible Shrinking Son of Man: How Reliable is the Gospel Tradition? by Robert M. Price

What happens when one puts forth a rational, objective method of researching historicity and applies it to the canonical gospels of the bible? Dr. Robert M. Price, aka The Bible Geek, comes to a very unpopular conclusion: there is no evidence to support that a historical Jesus ever existed.

TISSOM begins by outlining the rationale for Dr. Price's methodology, and then goes event by event through the gospels, comparing the accounts given by the four gospel writers. To each event, he details the contradictions and similarities, outlines the history of the event's likely origin(s), and proposes the probable motive(s) and rationale(s) of each gospel writer when formulating his particular account.

While seemingly an average-length book, TISSOM took me quite a while to get through. It's enthralling and enlightening, which also makes it a book to slowly digest and contemplate rather than quickly consume. And though the subject matter can be ponderous, Dr. Price's style is rather light-hearted. His genuine interest in and voluminous knowledge of the New Testament, combined with his biting humor, keeps the reader both challenged and entertained. I highly recommend it, especially to those interested in ancient religions or the origins of modern Christian superstitions. Or zombies...

I've already purchased his answer to the bombastic-yet-delicate whiny Christian apologists: Jesus Is Dead. I'll let you know how it goes. But I think I've found my new favorite hobby de jour of the day: critical biblical study.

Two side notes:

1. Dr. Price has a podcast, TheBibleGeek.org, available free at iTunes. It is easily my favorite and most anticipated podcast.
2. Dr. Price is also a Lovecraft scholar. And while I can go along with his whole "Jesus never existed" thing, his insistence that Cthulhu is fiction is simply absurd...
   

Almost too much.

Where the Wild Things Are

The Navy's Next-Generation Advanced Attack Fighter

For about a year now, the Navy has been testing a pimped up Super Tacono to provide close air support for SEALs. The Air Force may follow.

On The Stonewall Riot's 40th Anniversary No Less

So that raid on a Forth Worth gay bar on the anniversary of Stonewall, the one that left one patron with severe brain trauma...

Texas alcohol board reports violations in gay bar raid

Breaking news: the moon orbits the earth; the latter, the sun.

Our Beacon Of Democracy In The Middle East

Religion is just fucking awful:

Almost half the Israeli population considers homosexuals to be deviants, according to an opinion poll published on Thursday, five days after an attack at a Tel Aviv gay centre killed two people.

This, from a people who should know what "deviant" implies.

Movie Review: Julie and Julia

Meryl Streep As Julia Child: Patron Goddess Of The Foodie

I saw Julie and Julia today, and--all chick-flick moments aside--it is fucking hilarious. As anyone could tell by the trailers, Meryl Streep does a dead-on Julia Child: her portrayal is worth twice the price of admission. And while the cheap jokes are funny, it's the numerous sly ones that make the film truly priceless. And they do bring up the spy business...

If you love Julia, as all should, go see it. If not, fuck you. Even the sturdiest of manly men can appreciate the Julia half of the film. And only half of the other half is a proper time to go pee; a goodly portion of the Julie part is actually slightly endearing, bordering on interesting.

"She taught me how to cook." So say we all.

Note: to any who might go to an afternoon matinée of this movie, expect to hear the movie over several respirators. When I returned from my pre-trailer pee, I noted to my mother: "This place smells like prunes and osteoporosis." Seriously, I was worried that many women in the audience might crack a rib laughing.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

linkification

Welcome to the Squid Shop - home of the COMPLETE Early Cuyler Collection!

I Done Been Vindificated Again!

This month, Cook's Illustrated joined Alton Brown in recommending my preferred method for brewing coffee: cone filter over a thermos, apply off-boiling water. They also endorsed French presses, but those things are difficult to clean and manage. Not to mention they're Franchified.